Wolfie Needs a Bath
by Imagination that
Summary: Wolfie is having a bad day, and it's only set to get worse.
1. Bath

In hindsight he really should've thrown Wild into the river to retrieve his bedroll, it would've saved him a lot of trouble down the road. Instead he stood glaring at his protégé of sorts as he fumbled through an explanation of what happened and why only his bedroll was currently making the floating down stream. Something about a white bokoblin sneaking up on him, and the monster ending up close to the river. Apparently, the bedroll was just heavy enough to knock the nuisance into the water, ending its existence and sending Twilight's bedroll on a one-way trip down river.

He guessed he should be thankful that Wild only chose his bedroll to use as a weapon while Twilight and Sky had been out hunting. At the moment though he was feeling anything but grateful. As it was, the nearest villages that might be able to supply him with a new one were over a day's travel away. The group had been heading to Hateno Village, and though Kakariko was closer, it was decided that they would continue to Hateno. After all Legend reasoned, there was a stable along the way and surely Twilight could borrow the bedroll of whomever was on watch if they didn't make it to Hateno by the next night. It took everything in him not to growl at the experienced hero like the wolf in him was urging.

Things were only made slightly better when they reached the stable giving Twilight the opportunity to pet all the animals, especially the cuddly the new puppies one of the dogs had recently had. Reasoning that they were looking for information on either the shadow that had brought them together or any strange occurrences in the area Twilight slipped off to change forms. Animals did tend to be a good source of information after all. So it was a half hour or so later that Wild, Four, and Hyrule found 'Wolfie' romping around with a bunch of puppies who kept tripping over their too big paws.

Barely stifling his laughter Wild spoke to the Wolf who was completely covered in a mound of yipping puppies. "Hey Wolfie, I need to go gather some honey and a few herbs for dinner tonight. Would you mind coming with us to help sniff out the ingredients we need? We'd like to get back before dark."

Huffing slightly, Twilight removed himself from the pack of puppies making sure to nuzzle each of them in turn before following the others to the woods nearby. The walk there was marred only by a slight biting itch along his back and chest that he didn't think much of, sometimes the heat made his fur incredibly scratchy.

Wild and the others had stopped in a clearer part of the forest so Wild could show them how he shot three arrows at once. While Twilight was curious about that too, Wolfie wouldn't be as likely to care. Sighing internally he began following his nose for the herbs. Wild had long since had him memorize the smell of his favorites allowing Twilight to easily begin hunting down what was needed. Of course it just wasn't his day though.

He'd managed to track down the herb Wild needed, having to stop to scratch and bite at his back several times, carefully piling them near the trail as he found them. Unfortunately, along with the herbs he also managed to find a pair of bokoblins hunting a boar. It was strange seeing monsters performing such a menial task as trying to get food, but then again Wild's Hyrule was just strange to begin with and Twilight had witnessed them cooking on his own adventure. Noting they were the red variety, which Wild said were the weakest, Twilight decided to take them out himself. True he hated fighting in this form, the taste took days to get out of his mouth, but it couldn't be helped considering Hyrule was nearby and travelers could walk by at any moment.

It was an easy battle, the pair hadn't even been strengthened by the dark magic that they'd noted lately. The first one never even saw him coming, which made snapping its neck all too easy. The moment he felt the creatures life leave it Twilight pushed off the monster towards its companion. It seemed this bokoblin was at least ready for him as it jumped out of the way at the last moment causing Twilight to skid land into a pile of fresh droppings left behind by the scared boar.

Twilight swore the remaining bokoblin was laughing at him even as he lunged for the creature's throat. In seconds it too was dead, though now Twilight also had their blood in his fur along with the boar remains. Disgusted he was about to sniff around for some water to wash it out of his fur rather than having to was his clothing and armor. Before he can so much as lift his nose though there's an all too familiar whistling sound, followed by a thwonk, and an all too familiar angry buzzing sound. At almost the same moment Twilight feels something heavy and…sticky strike him in the head while also receiving many painful stings along his entire body.

He can't help the pathetic yelp that escapes his mouth as he bounds around trying to simultaneously drive away the bees and get the golden goop out of his eyes. A familiar concerned voice manages to make it to his ears amongst his pained yips and growls.

"Oh my goddesses, Wolfie! Wild look what you did to poor Wolfie!" Soon enough Hyrule, Four, and Wild are helping to drive away the stinging insects tormenting the wolf hero.

Once the relative calm settled over the four of them Twilight was able to assess the damages. He had boar droppings smeared on his chest and belly, sticky honey oozing slowly down his head and neck, bokoblin remains smattered here and there, burning stings all over, and a biting itch that had been slowly spreading since they left the stable. To top it all off the smell of the herbs was mixing with the droppings, honey, and remains creating a nauseatingly choking smell. All in all he was absolutely miserable.

"Wol…ack" Four tried to say something but a gasping cough due to the smell stopped him before he could get the first word out. "Oh goddesses," Wild said pinching his nose and turning his head. "Let's get you back to the stable there's a pond you can wash or we might need the river so we don't kill everything in the pond."

Hyrule, imitating Wild and holding his nose, looked at the long haired hero curiously. "Don't you mean you'll wash him? I mean it's not like he can wash himself."

"Um well he…you see he's really um inde…uh doesn't really like…" Wild trailed off apparently at a loss for words while Twilight glared at him. If Wild or any of the others so much as thought about giving him a bath Twilight would make sure their next thought would be to regret that. Giving the three of them one last cold glare he motioned them to follow as he led them to a pile of the herbs he collected.

Once those and a few pieces of honey comb that hadn't landed on Twilight were gathered up they started back to the Stable. The wolf hero was determined that the moment they got within sight of the stable he was going to have Wild or Time grab his bag and then he'd find a nice secluded part of the river that wasn't moving too swiftly to clean up. Hopefully he'd be able to rinse most of it out of his fur before he shifted back so he wouldn't have to scrub his clothes for hours on end. He just hoped he had enough soap to rid himself of the awful stench emanating from him. Sadly though, things just weren't going in his favor that day.

The itching had only become worse as they walked and it took everything Twilight had not to scratch, roll, and whatever else it took to stop the tormenting feeling. He was well aware if he did he would only push the filth farther into his fur. Not to mention with the copious amount of honey on him there was an all too real chance of his paw or claws getting stuck. Goddesses he was going to make Wild pay for this.

The trek seemed to be twice as long but at last they neared the stable. Twilight had to stop himself from bounding ahead in search of his bag, he was sure the owners wouldn't let him in smelling and looking the way he did. Unfortunately now that they were closer they could see several of the others standing at the entrance faces grim, very obviously waiting for them. Wind, Warriors, and Legend had removed their armor in favor of very simplistic clothes and Wind was toting a bag over his shoulder. Time stood off to the side, though he seemed to be fighting to keep a smile off his face. Everyone could tell the moment the group got close to their comrades as noses began to wrinkle and eyes teared up.

"What in the dark world happened," Legend cried out with his hands over his mouth and nose as all eyes zeroed in on the wolf.

"Uh well Wolfie is kinda having a rough day," Four said unhelpfully trying to play down the awfulness of it all. "Anyway what's up? You all have this really somber look about you."

"Wwwwweeeeellllll," Wind drawled out the word looking rather sheepish yet somehow excited at the same time.

Legend snorts at the all too obvious statement. It was hard to describe the look on his face, somewhere between annoyed but enjoying being annoying. "Wolfie's day is about to get a whole lot worse, as is the rest of ours. Wolfie's got fleas and he needs a bath. And unfortunately for us the stable owner won't let any of us into our beds until he's had one. There's also the fact they only have four beds left and if we don't hurry we'll be sleeping on the ground again. So get ready and help us haul him over to the water for a washing, because I'll be damned if I'm going to sleep on the ground when there's beds available."

If Twilight could speak in this form he'd be using every swear word he'd ever learned. Of course! Of freaking course that was why he'd been itching since they went to the woods. The puppies he'd played with must have had them. Goddesses he hated fleas. He'd gotten them once from the cats in Castle Town and it had taken him ages to get rid of them, finally having to soak in the Lanayru spirit spring for three days before he was free.

Growling lowly Twilight began to back away from his friends. No way…No way was there any chance he was going to let them wash him. As he backed away he began to assess his options for escape. Legend and Wind were still in front of him. Hyrule, Wild, and Four were to his left and right looking a bit confused, and in Wild's case mortified. Wait! Where was Warr…? "Oh Goddesses what in the world did you get into Wolfie?!"

Warriors had apparently circled around while they were talking, knowing 'Wolfie' wouldn't like the idea of a bath. He'd managed to sneak up on him then grab him around the middle. It took everything in Twilight not to snap at the man, but that didn't stop him from writhing and squirming to try and break free.

"Damn he's heavy. What in the dark world have you been feeding him Wild?" Warriors words were grit out through his teeth as he worked to keep ahold of the struggling wolf.

"Well come on," Legend snapped at the other three as he and Wind followed Warriors. "He'd not going to be able to do this on his own." Hyrule immediately followed while Wild and Four shared a grimacing look before going after their friends. They were both aware this wasn't going to end well.

Warriors had found a spot in the river that was shallow enough to stand but deep enough to get Wolfie mostly submerged. Wind had produced a couple of bottles of some liquid that the owner of the stable had given them to get rid of the fleas. Apparently he'd felt bad that the dogs at the stable were the ones that gave Wolfie the fleas.

The scrubbing commenced with Warriors and Legend holding Wolfie still while Wild, Hyrule, and Wind worked the grime out of the thick coat before applying the solution given to them. From his spot in the water Twilight could see Four taking a seat beside Time who was clearly fighting, and failing, to keep the smirk off his face. Growling lowly Twilight ground his teeth together so hard he swore they were going to crack. Oh they were all going to pay dearly for this. He didn't know how yet, but he was going to make them suffer.

It took forever but finally all the mess was out of his fur and Wolfie was left smelling strongly of citrus, and something else he couldn't place. As they all walked out of the river Twilight made sure to shake all over them, including Time and Four. It wasn't much at the moment, but he got a small amount of satisfaction at their cries of displeasure.

Luckily the stable owner still had the four beds available, though it would mean they'd have to double up and one person would be without a bed. Though he said Wolfie would have to sleep outside because for one he didn't want his place smelling like wet dog, and for two people would be scared of the wolf. "Okay so that puts Time with Four, Warriors with Wind, Hyrule with Sky, and Wild with me," Legend stated after they'd decided they should divvy it up according to size.

"What about Twilight," Sky inquired looking around. "I mean he is without a bed roll after all."

"He's probably off trying to pet the wild horses out there. Either way he isn't here so he misses out." Legend and Sky's conversation had Wild wincing and glancing out the door where Wolfie was glowering.

It was a chilly night as Wild made dinner, and the others sat around talking. The others had been keeping a close eye on Wolfie to keep him from wandering off. The owner had advised them to rub in some dried lavender or rosemary to help prevent the bug from returning so they were waiting for his fur to dry to do just that. At long last the group went to their beds, Wild and Four being sure to stoke a good fire for Wolfie to sleep near after Wind had applied the powder. "Sorry about all this," Wild murmured into his ear. "I left my bedroll out for you. Once everyone is asleep you can use it." With that he was off, at last leaving Twilight alone. With a sigh Twilight got to his feet to go find somewhere to shift. He doubted he'd get a lot of sleep, but at least it would give him plenty of time to plot his revenge.

A/N: Hey Everyone,

It's been a while since I posted anything for a multitude of reasons, but the recent linked universe stories from tumblr and such have given me a bit of inspiration lately. So I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. It might be slow going, but I'm trying. I'll admit Twilight is my favorite of the Links so any postings will likely be centered around this character.


	2. Wolfie's Revenge

It had taken just over a day to reach Hateno from the stable, a little longer then was planned due to freak rainstorm. This suited Twilight just fine though since by time they'd reached Wild's house he had a fully formed plan for his revenge.

Luckily enough they'd been to Wild's Hyrule a few times now and this was the third time they'd be visiting his home so Twilight was fairly well versed in the villagers who lived there. His first stop was to the woods not far from Wild's house just before dawn. It took a few hours to find another boar, but finally he found one that was a good size. While he wasn't quite as efficient at it as Wild, Twilight sometimes swore the meat just appeared after Wild made a kill, Twilight managed to get a good deal of meat from the animal. Luckily he'd also found a decent hive where he was able to get plenty of honey, without getting stun this time. Along the way he grabbed a few random mushrooms and herbs, not caring exactly what they were. His next stop was to the general store where he bought a variety of foods. When Pruce asked him what he needed all the food for, Twilight's only response was, "A surprise," before giving the man a mischievous smirk and leaving.

Luckily the villagers never seemed to change their routine much and he was easily able to find Tamana with her cuccos. "Hi ma'am," he said with a slight bow of his head and smiling at her.

"Who?! Oh wait your one of Link's relatives, right?" Tamana's demeanor was a bit brusque like Beth's, making him smile. She was the type of person that once they got an idea in their head not even Ganondorf himself could change her mind.

"Yes ma'am," he answered politely, "and I was wondering if you'd do me a favor."

"Hm, well depends on what it is," she replied skeptically.

"Well you see ma'am one of our other relatives loves birds, and oddly enough where he grew up they never had any cuccos. Since he's been traveling with us he's grown a strong fascination with the birds, but hasn't had a chance to really learn about them. I know you're quite the expert on them, so I was wondering if you would spend the day with him and tell him everything you know about them. He's quite shy and he'll likely try to leave at some point, but I know he'd truly love the opportunity. In fact, if you'd be willing I'm sure he'd love to stay for dinner with you to talk more about them. I'd be willing to give you a bit of the food I have here in compensation."

"Oh well…uh…well I certainly don't see why not, especially if you'll provide the food. Actually yes I'd be happy to do that, and truthfully I know a lot about other birds as well, so we should be able to have quite the discussion."

"Terrific," Twilight said enthusiastically. "Here's some fresh boar meat I got this morning," he said while handing her a carefully wrapped chunk of the meat. "And how about some rice, mushrooms, herbs, and rock salt to go with it?"

"Great thank you Miss Tamana. I'll bring him by shortly." Twilight waved as he headed back through the village.

Passing the other shops he noticed several of his comrades were already out and about visiting the various shops and villagers. Warriors and Four were at the clothing boutique while Time was heading to the village gate. Soon enough he spotted the two people he was looking for. Sky was trapped between a pair of gossiping women, Amira and Nikki if he remembers correctly. Most of the time the pair hated anyone being a part of their conversation, but Sky had a strange effect on people where they naturally wanted him to be a part of their group.

"Excuse me ladies," Twilight interrupted whatever it was they were discussing, much to Sky's relief it would seem. "I need to borrow my friend here, thanks." And before they could get in a word of protest Twilight had pulled Sky away as he headed towards where Hyrule was talking with one of the merchants who frequented town.

"Uh Twilight, thanks for the save back there, but uh where are we going?" Shy was trying to be polite, but considering the other had his arm in a vice like grip and was dragging him along it was difficult.

"I need to go speak with Hyrule real quick then I have a surprise for you," Twilight replied cryptically. Once they neared Hyrule Twilight left Sky a little ways back to prevent him from overhearing him, not that he'd suspect anything but still.

After talking with Hyrule for a moment Twilight went back and begun pulling Sky along once more. "Hi Miss Tamana," Twilight called happily when they neared her home. "This is Sky the one I was telling you about."

"Ah yes, the avian enthusiast. Don't worry I'll take him from here." With that she pulled a very confused Sky along towards her cucco coop.

Smiling Twilight went to find Koyin. He'd wanted to make sure to get Sky out of the way since he hadn't anything to do with the bath. Apparently he'd actually been off watching the Wild horses in the fields like the others thought Twilight had been doing.

"Hi Koyin," he greeted the women with a friendly wave and smile. She and Twilight had struck up a good friendship after his first visit. The sheep reminded him of the goats in Ordon, and the two often spent time tending them while swapping stories about the animals they cared for.

"Twilight it's good to see you again. You want to help me with the sheep today?" Koyin's smile was huge, though she wouldn't admit it she'd taken quite a liking to Link's rancher relative.

"I'd love to," Twilight replied earnestly, "but I promised Link I would catch a few fish for tonight's dinner. I was hoping though that once I finish I could come help you with them and even herd them in. Will that be alright?"

Koyin laughed, "Of course it will. You hurry go and get them fish then once you're done you can come pet and herd my sheep to your heart's content."

"Thanks Koyin, see you in a while." With a bright smile and a wave Twilight continued on to Wild's house. Just as he'd asked him the young traveler was there waiting for Twilight.

"Hey Hyrule sorry I know you and the others wanted to spend the day in the village, but I thought we should give the others a surprise."

"Oh really," Hyrule chirped happily. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well every time we end up in Wild's world he always allows us to camp out on his floor and makes these really extravagant meals for us without asking anything or getting demanding. If he didn't we'd be sleeping on the ground or at an inn, and eating dried foods or have to buy meals. I was thinking I'd clean his house while he's up with Purah and Zelda, then maybe you could cook us up a good meal so Wild can just relax. I know Wild wanted to make some type of glazed meat and fish thing with honey and such. He asked me to get the ingredients for him since he was going to be busy in the morning. All I have left to get are the fish, so I thought you could start making it while I get the fish and clean up."

"Really," Hyrule asked skeptically? "I didn't think Wild was planning on spending a lot of time up there since he, Wind, and Legend were planning on visiting the beach. Plus I didn't think you guys cared for my cooking. I mean you're a better cook then I am, you made that one orange soup once." What Hyrule didn't know is that Twilight had snuck out after they'd gotten to the village late yesterday afternoon to go have a talk with Purah. Knowing Wild usually tried to get away from the Sheikah scientist as quickly as possible Twilight had asked her to keep him busy with her all day.

"Me no," said Twilight hastily hoping his plan wouldn't fall apart here. "The only thing I ever learned to make was pumpkin soup with a few other ingredients, none of which I have, and I'm not as inventive as you and Wild. Plus I know you're getting a lot better. Remember that day Wild took that blow to his head trying to protect Wind. Well you should've seen Sky and Warriors eating that soup you made. They were done before everyone else if I remember correctly."

Hyrule's face brightened at that. "Well alright then. You go get me some fish and I'll see what I can come up with. Who knows, maybe Wild wrote the recipe down." Hyrule sounded skeptical, but Twilight sincerely hoped this wasn't the case. It wouldn't be nearly as much fun.

Soon enough Twilight had three good sized fish to go with the meal Hyrule was planning. After cleaning the fish and giving them to Hyrule Twilight began to clean. As they worked Twilight asked him about some of his travels, especially his longest most drawn out quest he'd ever come upon. Soon enough they were done and the concoction Hyrule had made was bubbling in the pot giving of a cloyingly sweet, fishy, and floral scent.

Despite the fact the small nearly made him want to vomit Twilight smiled. "You know Hyrule that was a really great story you told me. You should make sure to tell it to everyone while we're eating. It'll be a great bit of entertainment."

"Really you think everyone would want to hear about it?" Hyrule seemed doubtful, but Twilight gave him a pat on the back.

"Yeah, but oh shoot I just remembered I promised to help Koyin this evening with her sheep so I'll go ahead and eat so I can get there in time to help. Oh and one more thing Sky said he was having dinner with one of the villagers so he won't be here until late either." Twilight quickly ladled himself a bowl before Hyrule could say anything, taking it outside. Once there he dumped the disgusting smelling soup down the ravine and munch on some jerky he kept in case of emergency.

Returning his bowl Twilight promised to send the others back on his way to help, leaving the other alone for a moment. Finding the others just heading back Twilight informed them that dinner was ready, but he had to go help herd some sheep. As he met Koyin he could just make out three figures coming down from the lab. Working to keep his laughter at bay Twilight helped the young woman pamper and herd each sheep into their pens.

Never had Wild considered Twilight to be so cruel. He'd known something was coming from Twilight the moment he realized he'd lost his mentor's sleeping bag, in truth he'd been nervous. Then after the whole forest and bath fiasco he'd been downright terrified, probably more so then he'd been of Ganon. After all Calamity Ganon was just a monster, this was Twilight. The only ones he'd fear more were Time and Legend. In a way it was relieving that all he really did was to sic Purah and Zelda on him all day.

Wild had only gone up in hopes that maybe they might know a way to get the Sheikah slate to work in the different times or maybe have it track this shadow thing they'd been after. However, somehow Twilight had gotten to them without Wild knowing and convinced them he wanted to know all the intricate details of how the slate worked. Not only that but he'd volunteered Wild as their assistant for the day as Symin was out for some reason or another. If Wild ever heard the word 'snap' again he'd likely snap, plus his stomach was still rolling from some of Zelda's experiments.

Now as they were heading back he knew he'd never have time to get the ingredients for the special meal he'd planned let alone time to cook it. Though that was probably a good thing for the three of them at least. Dejectedly the tired trio made their way back to Wild's house, both Legend and Wild had gotten pulled into helping too.

Wild had to give Twilight this he could be devious when he wanted. Nothing could have prepared him though for the absolutely horrid stench emanating from his home though. Before they could decide what to do the door was thrown open by an overly excited Hyrule and they were ushered in where the others, minus Sky and Twilight, were sitting looking sick and horrified. It was then that Wild learned the full extent of Twilight's plan.

Not only were they kept busy all day, but somehow Twilight had convinced Hyrule to cook a meal using the most eclectic combination of ingredients Wild had ever seen, but he'd also managed to get honey and boar meat thrown in with fish and goddesses know what else. He'd also convinced Hyrule to tell them the longest most drawn out story ever while they sat around the table. None of them could get away with ditching the contents of their bowls or not eating.

That night the group sat with churning stomachs taking turns going outside while Sky came in with a sort of dazed expression. Twilight didn't come back until the next morning, he'd slept in the field admiring the stars in his new bedroll. As Wild watched him walking up towards his house munching on a roll the young man wanted to glare at his mentor, but it turned into a grimace as more contents of his stomach resurfaced. For the rest of the day Sky played nurse to the other seven heroes while Twilight sat back with a smug grin, trying and failing to look sympathetic. It was then that Wild swore he was never going to cross his mentor again.


End file.
